


Pumkpin Spice Cake

by Flameroyalty, MisteryHuntress



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reconciliation, eventually, that is immediately thrown to the side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-10 02:03:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19898068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flameroyalty/pseuds/Flameroyalty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisteryHuntress/pseuds/MisteryHuntress
Summary: Working Title: Witness as Gavin Reed Makes Yet Another Terrible Decision(Many concepts and beautiful words contributed by my co-creator)





	1. Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> The question "What would Gavin's favourite baked good be?" got asked and then two angst writers got a hold of the concept.

There were only two times you didn’t make the cake. 

It was a tradition you’d had since you met at the Academy. His first birthday while rooming with you, you made this cake to celebrate. It was perfect for the season, with pumpkin, and cinnamon, and this cream cheese icing, and yeah he’s a basic bitch, shut up. It was his favourite dessert, and the best part of his birthday given that was the one day a year you would make it. 

You would make it every year, no matter what. It didn’t matter if you were fighting and not speaking to each other. You would come over, headphones on, not share a word, bake the cake in his kitchen, and leave. One time you were supposed to be across the country for an old friend’s wedding. But on the 7th, you knocked on his door. Carrying bags full of supplies and refusing to provide an explanation. 

The first time you missed his birthday wasn’t your fault. You’d gotten roughed up pretty bad taking in a suspect and landed yourself in the hospital. You tried your best to explain to the nurses that it was the 7th and you needed to go, but they were having none of it. When he came to visit, you pleaded for him to help get you out of there. He just smiled, laughed, and told you to lay your delusional ass back in the bed. The cake could wait a day or two. He’s not more important than your health. 

The second time was his fault. He’d fucked up. He’d messed up so badly and he was terrified. You were working late and were going to have to meet him at the bar later to help celebrate. His birthday landed on a Wednesday this year so he had to drink himself stupid on the weekend beforehand. God, he was so stupid. 

She looked like you. Not really, but a lonely, drunk Gavin is willing to take some liberties. 

When you couldn’t find him at the bar, you’d assumed he’d taken a taxi home. Making a responsible choice for once. You were wrong. The night was supposed to be playful teasing and early birthday sex. Opening the door to see your best friend, your boyfriend on top of a girl you’d never met was not something you’d expected from your evening. 

“What the fuck?” You’d dropped your bag at your side, barely a few steps into the apartment. 

He scrambled off the couch to stand and approach you. Before he could say anything to defend himself, the girl ruined any chance he had at saving his ass. 

“Who are you?” she asked. In that moment Gavin realized just how grating the woman’s voice was. 

You’d looked at him when you replied, “No one you need to worry about.” 

The scariest part was how calm you were. He knew you angry. It was loud and mean, throwing personalized insults you didn’t mean. This was you gently pushing his bare chest out of your way and moving to the bedroom. Casually pulling your suitcase from the closet floor and starting to pull items off hangers. 

He’d followed you, “(Y/N) listen, I-”

You'd held up a hand to stop him, “Don’t, you’ll upset the cats.”

At the mention of them, the pair of pets came to investigate the action taking place. Noir rubbing up against your legs as you folded a pair of shorts and placed them in the case beside Giz. You’d lightly lifted the cat up and placed him on the bed, giving some final strokes to his ears. You were rewarded with a soft purr. 

He tried again, “I was drunk and-”

You turned to him. He wanted you to be angry. Wished to see the fire in your eyes, that there was something there he could work with, but there was nothing. He’d seen the look from you when trying to get a gauge on a suspect. 

“I wish I could say I’m surprised Reed.” You leaned down to zip the bag and rolled it out of the room. 

A voice from the other room, “Seriously though, who are you?” 

“Just a roommate.” You were smiling at the half naked woman on your couch like she was a common piece of furniture. As if it made sense she was there and there was no reason to be upset at her presence. A normal occurrence. 

“Then why are you being such a bitch? Just let him finish a damn sentence.” 

Gavin was ready to disappear into the floor. He wanted to be anywhere but there. Back the bar. At work. Anywhere. Instead he remained frozen in the doorframe.

“Oh, my apologies. Gavin?” 

His head whipped up to meet your gaze, “Yeah?”

Arms crossed, “Finish a damn sentence.” 

There was a whole novel he wanted to say at the time but he settled on, “Where are you going?”

“Tina’s.”

“It’s late.” About 3AM. He didn’t want to drag anyone else into this if he could help it. 

“It’ll be fine. If not, I’ll go to a hotel.” You turned her head to the woman, “Was that up to your standards?” You trailed the sentence off.

She filled in the blanks, “Ashley.”

You looked at him, holding back a laugh, “Ashley.” Turning back at her, “Sorry to have interrupted your evening. I’ll let you get back to it.”

You gripped the handle of the suitcase and started walking towards the door. He ran to catch you, grabbing your arm as you reached for the doorknob. You stopped your movements but didn’t look at him. 

“Yes, Detective Reed?” 

There was nothing he could do to fix it. You were walking out that door regardless of what he did. Those three words told him exactly where he stood with you from that point forward and he knew you well enough to know that pushing you was the last thing that would help him. 

“I’m sorry.” is all he managed to say. 

“I’m sure you are.” 

Cut to the Wednesday. His birthday. He was thankful for it because when you showed up, he’d have a chance to talk to you. Even if you didn’t want to listen, you’d be there and he could try. Try to clean up this mess he'd created. He waited until 11PM to message you. 

**[Hey where are you?]**

**[None of your business, why?]**

**[Well. Just. its the 7th and its late and you know…..so i got worried]**

**[I’m fine. I’ll send you the recipe. Ashley can make your fucking cake.]**

For the first time in over a decade, he didn’t have a birthday cake.


	2. Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally all this ficlet was, was Gavin using his cats as a proxy. It's my favourite part of the whole thing.

He can't handle it anymore. 

The apartment is deadly quiet without her. Obviously and uncomfortably missing half its usual life. The cats keep sleeping in her old room, meowing for their lost mother. Gavin doesn't blame them. She hadn't slept in there for over a year, not since they started to share the bed in his room. They miss her.

He misses her. He misses her so fucking much it's nearly unbearable. He still hasn't gotten used to not waking up to the music he hates and her singing along while making pancakes. He longed to just do dishes with her again. The piled up bowls and plates in the sink were starting to stink. Her irritated comments about his clothes on the floor even though hers laid next to them. Now it's just his strewn around. 

He'd tried to fight it. The urge to run to TIna’s after her, to keep trying every day until she listened. She needed time. He fucked up. He knew it. He also knew that chasing after her that night wasn't going to help. He didn't want to push her. Force himself back in when it would cause her to push back twice as hard. 

He'd apologized a week ago. she told him to go fuck himself. Devoid of any of the fun and carefree light she always had every other time she threw the line at him. At least they were getting back to the anger. The insults. Things were changing from the stone cold calm. He knew how to handle this but she needed more time. 

After the third time he forgot where the laundry detergent was, he gave in. He needed her. He was absolutely useless without her help. 

He grabs his phone and calls her. No matter how mad she's been the past while, she’s always answered. It's his small opening, the smidge of hope he’s been holding onto for the last two weeks. Opening a video call, he scoops Noir in his arms and situates her so she takes up most of the frame.

He sees her face pop up on his screen and his heart jumps. 

"What the fuck do you want?" she asks instinctively. Her face softening at the sight of her favourite kitten, "Hey baby." 

He wishes she was talking to him. The name falling from her lips makes him melt and his pulse speed up. 

Pitching his voice up, he takes one of Noir's paws in his fingers and makes her wave, "Hi mom! We miss you." 

He hears her sigh like a disappointed mother, "Gavin." 

Continuing the act, "Dad keeps giving us the wrong food."

She gives him the smallest laugh, "That's not a surprise. He was never the smartest now was he?"

"Nope. Giz won’t eat it.”

“Then Dad should mix some of the salmon wet food in to trick him.”

He’s thankful for the help, he was starting to get worried, “Good idea. You’re so smart! Where have you been?”

“I’m at Aunt Tina’s but if I’m being honest, I think she might be getting a little tired of me.”

“Yeah, Dad’s weird friend stopped visiting too. You know I didn't like her right?" 

"Well, I didn't either but Dad sure did." 

"Well he's a big dummy and stupid and," he's losing the voice," a jerk and a total dick and misses you so fucking bad it hurts." 

"Gavin." 

He lets Noir go and she wanders down to rest at his feet on the other end of the couch. 

"(Y/N), please. Come home. ”

"Gav, I- I don't know." 

Just the give of her calling him by his nickname makes him weak. 

"Look I know I fucked up. I fucked up so god damn hard and I'm so sorry. I know you don't give a shit and my being sorry doesn't mean the mistake didn't happen but I have been an absolute disaster since you left." 

The hint of smile grows on her face, "Mhm."

"Seriously. I don't know how the dishwasher works. I'm a moron. I need you." 

"I know." 

'Did you know the chinese place renamed the chicken dish I like?" 

She rolls her eyes, a full blown smile now, "Yeah. They told me when they did it because I always ordered it. It was really awkward last week when I only ordered for myself. They kept asking questions about what was wrong and what happened to you and why the address was different. I got so flustered I told them we were moving and just got the whole order to get them to stop. I'm still eating fucking leftovers."

"You hate the orange chicken though." 

"Yeah no shit Gav." 

He sighs, shifting his weight on the couch, "Look. I can say I'm sorry until the day I die and mean it every time. Come home. If not for my sake, the cats. They miss you. They hated Ashley more than you do. Wouldn’t let her get anywhere close to them. Hissed and scratched her. Absolutely hated her."

"Yeah because they're my babies and they can spot a rat a mile away." 

He smiles softly, "They keep sleeping in your old room. They're really confused by you being gone. You should at least visit. Be a decent co-parent to your children." 

"What if I take them on the weekends?" 

"No can do, Gizmo's got his playdates with the local stray on Saturdays." 

"Damn. Busy boy. Takes after his dad." 

"I deserve that." 

"You definitely do. But I guess I can come see them on Friday. Is that cool with you?"

Did he? Actually do it? Is it working? He's going to get to actually see her?

"Yeah, yeah, Friday's perfect. I'll make dinner?" 

She laughs, "Please don't. We'll order pizza or something." 

"Probably for the best." 

"Show me the babies." 

He turns the phone to face the felines at his feet. he hears her coo at them.

"Noir! Gizzy giz! Mommy's gonna come visit okay?" 

The pair of pets turn to the noise and bolt up to the screen. Nudging against it as if it were her in the flesh. 

"Alright back off." 

He pulls the phone back and meets her smiling face again. Everything aches. There are words that sit on the tip of his tongue. Desperate and fighting to be let loose but he knows it's too soon. 

Instead, he asks, "Friday?" 

She nods, "Friday."

Suddenly, Tina enters frame, “Is that Gavin? Tell him he’s an asshole.”

(Y/N) turns the phone, “You tell him.”

Tina points at the screen, “Gavin! She’s miserable! Please take her! She’s eaten all my ice cream!”

“See you Friday!” (Y/N) shouts and ends the call. 

He drops the device onto his chest and takes a deep breath. Friday. He had 3 days to figure out what the hell he was going to say. He looks around the apartment, suddenly disgusted at the disaster it’s become. He was going to have to clean like crazy. 

He glances at the cats, “Don’t worry guys, you’ve done enough.” Noir climbs up to sit on his chest and promptly fall back asleep. He pets her softly, “Good work out there today girl.”


	3. Rum

Tina had been very abruptly woken up at 3:30 am that night to find (Y/N) at her door, in tears. She didn’t ask questions, the suitcase and Gavin’s jacket on her shoulders was all she needed. She pulled her friend inside, set up the guest room as best as she could, and fell asleep again before getting any more information. 

The next two weeks was like an extended sleepover and it was starting to get old. There was only so much ice cream, rom coms, crying sessions, and hugs she could handle. She loved (Y/N) and hated seeing her like this. 

The best mood she was ever in was whenever Gavin shot her a message. Hearing her on the call today, it was the first time Tina had heard her laugh in a week. Talking about the cats and chinese food. She was smiling. She was happy talking to him. 

Was what Gavin did wrong? Absolutely. But he clearly knows he fucked up and feels like shit about it and (Y/N) obviously wants to forgive him. They’re just so dysfunctional, they can’t get where they need to. Tina was going to have to come to their rescue, yet again. It was like the academy all over again.

Friday was way too long to deal with them dancing around each other anymore. She texted Gavin to meet her on Thursday to talk about everything, help him figure out how to fix it. Thursday night she burst into the guest room and announced that they were going out. 

What could go wrong?

* * *

You raised your hand at the barkeeper. He refills your glass. 

His voice sounded a little concerned when he asked, "Hey, I love the business but don't you think that’s close to enough for tonight? I might have to cut you off soon." 

You shook your head no and downed the drink in one shot, "Fuck no! I haven’t drank since it happened and I’m going to get fucked up.”

“What happened?”

“Okay so get this.” You use your hands to punctuate your point, giving the man a very serious look, “I came home and saw my boyfriend. And he was _naked_. On top of a woman who was _not_ me. I need to, uhhhhh, unsee that please. Need more brain bleach." 

The bartender laughs, “I’ll grab you some water first.”

You squint at him, “Lame. What’s your name? I’m reporting you to your superior.”

“It’s Mike.”

“Mike, you’re lame.’

“Noted. I’m going to get your water now.”

You fiddle with the straw in your drink when out of the corner of your eye, you see someone sit down besides you. A man wearing a suit far too nice for this bar, in his early thirties. He sure was attractive, from what you could tell, but maybe it was just the alcohol obstructing your view. 

He bought you a drink, you let him. Then another one. Soon, you told him everything about the night, and also maybe a bit too much about yourself. Your judgement was clouded and you should’ve been more cautious. You didn’t know this guy. 

He wrapped his arm around you and helped you get up, "Why don’t we go to my place and distract you a little." 

You weren’t really sure if you wanted to leave with this guy. Where was Tina? How did you let yourself get so drunk that you could barely move on your own? You were being led out the door. The two of you didn’t get very far when you heard a voice you didn’t expect to be thankful for. A voice you knew too well to mistake it for any other sound. 

"Hey asshole. Let go of her. Now." 

But the guy had no intention of loosening his grip on you, “What’s your problem, man?”

"Get your fucking fake corprate ass hands off of her right now or I’ll beat your ass so hard they’ll name a hospital wing after you.”

“Look, if you wanted her, you should’ve shown up 20 minutes ago okay?”

He finally let go of you. Not by choice but humans have a tendency to bring their hands to their injuries. With your skewed vision, you can see him stumbling back, palm covering his nose. You see Gavin with red splattered on his knuckles, chest heaving. 

You still couldn’t stand on your own, so you tried to lean against the wall, but your depth perception was a mess and suddenly you were falling. You felt someone catch you, and you didn’t need to see to know it was him. He wrapped his arms around you, and they locked into place around your waist like they belonged there. 

"Gavin!" You playfully shouted out. 

Drunk you had no standard for how you should be treated. You weren't supposed to be excited to see him. Feel relaxed and safe in his arms. Him being there wasn’t meant to make you instantly feel free enough to let loose. You were supposed to be furious that he thought you couldn't do what he did to you, or that you couldn't take care of yourself. 

His voice was pure worry, "Hey. How drunk are you?"

You try to focus on the details of his face, "I'm not drunk, you're just blurry."

"Okay. Not great. Did you come with Tina?"

You nod.

"Where is she?"

"Mmmmmm....I d'know." 

"Let's go find her okay?"

"A mission!" You thrust your arms in the air, stumbling the pair of you before he finds his footing again. 

“Yeah, a mission,” He brings you back inside the building and places you on a seat at the bar.

“You should meet Mike.” You ungracefully point at the bartender, “That’s Mike. He’s my friend. He brought me water!”

You gently swivel on the moving barstool a few times, giggling like a child. 

"Could you keep an eye on her please? I'm going to find our ride." you hear him say to Mike. He turns to you. He opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off.

“You’re cute.”

Even in this state, the blush on his face brings you a mischievous kind of joy. He was cute. You missed seeing his face. 

He clears his throat, "I'm going to go get Tina. You stay here and Mike’s going to get you some water okay?"

He starts to back up but you reach out and grab his arm, "No. Don't go."

You feel his muscles go rigid, "(Y/N) I have to go get Tina.”

"Don't leave again." you mumble, pouting and pulling him closer. 

You want to rest your head on his chest again. Feel how warm he always is. You wanted to smell him. Just have anything from him again. 

He sighs and lightly pulls your hand off him, "(Y/N), let go. I need to find Tina. Stay put, okay? I’ll be right back. I promise." 

You nod, but you are furious. You felt nauseous, and you weren't sure if it was the alcohol or his rejection. Where did you go wrong? Why did he love every other girl more than you. First Ashley, now he abandoned you at a bar to find Tina. You hated how much impact he had on your mood. Finally the anger you were expecting was starting to settle in. He didn’t deserve your tears. 

You felt your stomach turning inside out and bolted from your seat to the bathroom. You had just enough time to reach the toilet before you choked up what felt like all of your intestines. Your eyes were watering, but you felt way more sober now. 

Your head feels clearer than it did before you got here. You decide you’re sober enough to go home on your own. You don’t need his stupid pity or help.

* * *

The second she heard that some asshole got decked in front of the bar, Tina knew Gavin had arrived. When he finally found her, he was distraught.

“There you are! We gotta get (Y/N) home.”

She’s putting her drink down, “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Some dickwad was trying to- You know what, it’s not important. She’s way passed fuck up. Whatever weird thing you obviously had planned for tonight is cut off.”

“Alright, where is she?”

“At the bar. Let’s go.”

She glances at the row of stools, “No she isn’t.”

He was pissed. At least she knew he still worried about her, “Yes she is. I was just with her.”

She turns him in the direction of the bar. He sees she’s nowhere to be found.

"Oh for fucks sake, I left her alone for 2 minutes," He starts looking around the bar for her.

She finishes her drink, “You are on a roll with this shitty boyfriend thing you’ve got going on lately.”

He glares at her, "Fuck you, I’m doing my best."

She sighs, "I know dipshit. Let's go find the runaway."


	4. Sheet

You were still tipsy, but not as hopelessly stupid drunk anymore. You called a cab and got in. To your surprise, they sent one of the few still left with actual drivers.

"Where may I take you?" The man asked.

You held your head in your hands, "Literally anywhere else.”

He chuckles, “Sorry, I need an address.” 

You shake your head and give him a weak smile, “Yeah, of course. Sorry. Can you drop me off two blocks south from here? I'm just trying to kinda sorta escape my boyfriend" You clear your throat, "Uh, I mean, ex-boyfriend." 

“Gotcha. No problem.” 

The rest of the drive is silent. You get out, and turn to the driver. "How much do I owe you?" 

"Nothing. Looks like you are having a rough enough time already." 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, get some sleep.”

“Thank you but you’re not getting out of here without a tip.”

You dig in your bag, pull out a few loose bills and hand them to the driver. He thanks you and before you knew it, you had wandered back to your own apartment. You hated being here but you forgot the way to Tina's from the bar and you only had keys for this stupid place. 

It was a like a reflex to wander back. Back home. Home. A reflex to kick your shoes off in the same corner with the scuffed up wall. To lean down to pet the cats you missed so much. To turn to the kitchen and pull a glass from the cabinet. 

To find yourself in the doorway of your room. No. His room now. You want to fall into the oh so familiar bed. You know exactly how comfy the sheets and pillows would be because you were the one that picked them out. How warm.

Your phone was ringing in your back pocket. You ignore it. Too tired to answer. It could wait until tomorrow.

You've given in. Finding yourself curling up in the sheets, cats lying on either side of you. No offense to Tina’s guest room, but this was so much better. You're just barely drifting off to sleep when you hear the door. 

"(Y/N)! Are you here?" Tina shouts. It makes your head pound.

"Why would she come back here and not go to your place?" It’s quieter, like he knows you’d be nursing a headache.

You hear the faint sound of Tina hitting him in the back of the head, "You're a moron."

"Well I know that. Thanks"

She shouts again,"(Y/N)!"

You don't want to yell, throat still sore from vomiting. You hope they hear your weak, "In here." 

You see Gavin first, hands holding onto the edges of the doorframe, "Oh thank fuck. Why didn’t you wait for me?" 

He looks scared, but has a hint of anger in his voice. Good. He should feel something at the idea of losing you. You pull the blanket up to your chin and close your eyes.

Softly, you lie, “Too tired.”

You can hear the two of them arguing in hushed tones outside the door. Neither of them are ever anywhere close to as quiet as they think they are. 

"For fucks sake Gavin, go comfort her."

"I don't think she really wants to see me right now."

He’s right.

"I heard her yell your name at the bar. She was thrilled to see you."

She’s right too.

You can envision him crossing his arms, "You know how she gets when she's drunk."

"Gavin I was with her the whole drive to the bar. Trust me on this shit for once."

"I just-"

"Get in there. Now." Tina’s pulled out the mom voice. She probably had to shove him back into the room.

After a moment, you feel the shift of the mattress. Your eyes open and you see he’s sat down next to you. Gizmo abandons your side to crawl into his lap. 

"Hey." He starts. Clearly unsure. 

You reply, "Hey." 

"How are you feeling?"

A small laugh, "Take a wild guess Detective."

"Do you need anything?" 

He’s petting Giz with both hands. Something you know he only does when he’s not sure what else to do with them. He’s nervous. 

_ You  _ is sitting on your tongue. It's what you should say. Just admit that you haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since you left. How badly you’ve missed him, even though you hate it. That you came in here instead of your old room for a reason. If anything, it would help him navigate this mess of a conversation. 

You shrug and point to the bedside table, "Just some water but I got that already. Thanks."

He’s trying, "Do you want a bowl or something, in case you need to throw up?"

"Already did."

He looks around the room, "When?"

"Before I left the bar."

He turns back to you, "You should've waited. You wouldn't have had to walk. You could be at Tina's instead of here."

“I took a taxi.”

“Then why are you here?”

"I like here." 

"Oh.” A silence falls. You’re giving him an opening you really hope he takes. You reach out and start scratching at Noir’s chin to fill the space. 

"Do you want me to let you get some sleep?" He asks. 

Your brain wanted him gone, your heart didn’t. There was no way you were able to make a good choice right now, and no way was he going to make you admit defeat first. You may feel like death right now and using his pillow, but very rarely do you lose. This was his choice.

"Do whatever you want Gav."


	5. Devils Food

All he can do is sit there like. It feels like he’s stuck in limbo forever. He was fighting with himself. Did he leave? Let you get the rest you clearly need, and never force her to see his stupid self again? That seems like the smarter idea. 

Or does he do exactly what she says. Do what he wants. To just climb under the covers next to her again, and pray she doesn’t kick him in the ribs. 

Then he remembers what she said at the bar. His brain plays her " _ don't leave again _ " on repeat. How sad and lonely she looked asking him to stay.

He makes his choice, moving a bit closer and resting a hand on hers. Showing her what he wants, but letting her determine the pace. They’re making too much progress to risk fucking it up now.

The fear melts when she laces her fingers with his. Pulling his arm closer until she was cradling it like a stuffed animal. She keeps tugging and he surrenders himself, not like it’s much of a sacrifice. He lies down next to her. All anxiety fading when she shifts to get closer. 

He wants to touch her. Run his fingers through her hair. Kiss her. To say he's sorry for the millionth time. Being this close to her again was enough for now.

"You're a dick" she mumbles, eyes still closed.

"I know." he says softly. 

"Like, really really. Just the worst"

"Yeah." 

She finally looks at him again, "Why did you do it?" 

He spent a lot of time thinking about the answer to that question but it was probably too much to deal with right now. He shrugs, "I'm an idiot." 

He feels her laugh against his chest, "Yeah, like when you were ready to kill suit guy earlier?" 

He smiles, "He deserved it. No one's taking-" A pause. He really needed to think before he talked. 

She raises an eyebrow, "Me away from you?"

"No. I. I didn't mean-"

She squeezes his hand, "It's okay Gav. I was actually started to get a bit freaked out. Thanks for the rescue." 

"Oh. Yeah, of course." 

Another silence. The cats have joined them, nesting in the small space between their owners. Their purring and his heartbeat are the only things he can hear. He looks down at their intertwined fingers again. 

She sighs, "I know you want to. Just put your stupid fingers in my damn hair so I can sleep properly for the first time in a week and we'll talk in the morning."

“Are you sure? I don’t want to-”

She lets go of his hand and grabs his wrist. She brings it up to the top of her head. He tangles his hand in her hair and everything felt right again. 

It doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep. He hears the front door clicking closed, meaning Tina’s left for her own well deserved sleep. He stays awake as long as he can. He wants to savour this before she comes to her senses. Realizes he doesn’t deserve any of this.


	6. Coffee

It may have been too much to make her coffee. Too familiar. He’d managed to untangle himself without waking her up, and kept the cats quiet while he worked. It was hard to walk away from her, even just to the kitchen. Thankfully, years of knowing how to make the perfect coffee doesn’t fade away after a few weeks. 

He walks back into the bedroom, a cup in each hand. Careful not to trip on the cats circling his feet. She’s already sitting up against the headboard, blanket pooled at her knees. He holds out her cup to her. 

“Thanks.” She takes a sip. 

“Yeah, no problem.” He sits on the edge of the bed. 

This was last night’s conversation all over again but so much more real. Neither could blame it on the drinking. This was the time. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks. 

“Bit of a headache. Coffee helps.”

“Is it okay?” 

She smiles, “I didn’t suddenly start taking it black while I was gone. It’s great. Relax.”

He lets out a breath. He watches Noir jump up onto the bed and snuggle up next to her, “Well you did say you’d come visit her today.”

“Yeah. She looked happy to see me last night.”

“Why did you really come here last night?” 

It cuts through the atmosphere. He knows what he wants the answer to be. That she needed to be here, needed him. She didn’t think of anywhere else but here so he could find her. 

She doesn’t bother questioning, she knows he can tell when she’s lying. Especially when she’s drunk. 

“Got sad, threw up, got mad. Rushed out, it was cold. Didn’t want to wait outside Tina’s without a jacket. Also I was so out of it, I forgot Tina’s address when I got in the cab.”

He grips his cup tighter, “I’m sorry.” 

“For what?”

“Everything, I guess. For going all hero and then leaving you alone when you clearly needed supervision.”

She takes another sip of her drink, “That’s a start.”

“Are we just jumping into it then?”

She shrugs, “If you’re ready. We did both just pretty much wake up. We can finish coffee first if you want.”

“Stop making me choose.” It comes out quick and harsher than he meant for it to.

“Why?”

“You know why.” 

Something clicks in her mind, “Gavin. I’m already here. I want to talk about this. I’m not just here until the coffee runs out or for the cats, okay? You’re not pushing. I’m okay.”

God he loves her. He loves her so fucking much and he needs this conversation to run smoothly so badly. She knows him too well. This can’t be the last time she’s in this bed. 

“I-It-You.” he stops and starts the sentence at least 5 times before he finds one that feels worthy, “I’ve already said I’m sorry because it’s all I could understand at the time. I have been _digging_ at myself to try to figure out why the hell I would do something so outside of my usual stupid.”

“Did you find anything?” She doesn’t seem upset. More curious. 

"Yeah. To kind of sum it up, I’m an insecure idiot that thought you being late was you putting your job before me. It was the tiniest bit of anxiety I’d had forever ago when you missed a movie date and then I started drinking and it came back. It spiraled, like you know it does, and all of a sudden I wasn't important to you, and I was losing you to someone at work. And I couldn’t fight it because all I could think of was every little shitty thing I did, or forgot, and how I don't deserve you anyway so it all made sense. You know how self destructive I am, so the rest can’t be that much of a challenge to piece together."

She looks concerned, head tilted, brows furrowed, "Why don't you deserve me?”

As gently as possible, he places his cup on the floor. He’s going to end up throwing both hands around while he does this and he’d rather not spill hot coffee all over the place. He takes a deep breath before starting. 

"Do you have any idea how far out of my league you are? You are like, every guy or girl’s wet fucking dream okay? You’re somehow both street smart and book smart. Literally the smartest person my dumb ass knows. You are so, so talented. Your cooking is god-like. Why you haven’t found a way to stop working at the station and opening a bakery is beyond me. You could do it. You should. I’d prefer if you did, there’s a lot less chances of you getting shot that way.”

He points a finger at her, “And don’t start pulling that bullshit I know you’re thinking right now. You asked for this so I’m fucking complimenting you. Deal with it.”

She shuts her mouth and lets him keep talking.

“And you’re gorgeous on top of all that? How the actual fuck is that fair? You are the one person I would feel safe in an apocalypse with because you’d have 3 back up plans, a whole food storage and rationing system, but also be ready to kick ass at any time and look fantastic doing it.”

He sighs, hearing himself starting to get too loud, “Look. I was scared. You may not realize it, but you could wrap anyone in the whole wide world around your finger in a heartbeat. Have you ever noticed the way the coffee guy at your favorite café flirts with you every single morning? In front of me? Why the hell did you think I started ordering for you? Ever spot the fact that literally every regular in that shop has checked you out on your way out? The reason you get free drinks at that bar all the time is not because the barkeeper is your friend. It’s because, literally, other men buy you drinks all night every night, and it drives me crazy. That’s why I lost it last night.

And have you ever noticed how the world stops every time you wear those sunglasses with those shorts and your favorite lipstick? Well, guess what, I did. I live in fear. In fear that’ll never get to see you in those stupid glasses ever again. That someday you’re huge brain will catch up and realize that you could be doing so much better. 

So yeah, drunk me convinced me that I should take matters into my own hands and put me with someone on my level. Some random chick that hits on guys on bars after being told no like 4 times. It was stupid and just further proves how you shouldn’t forgive me and move on to something better for you.”

“You’re right.”

“Huh?”

“You’re totally right. Not about like, all of that, but I do put my job over you sometimes and it’s completely unfair to you. I have taken advantage of how you’ll wait to get 20 more minutes of work done. I put all my worth into how well I can do my job. I know it’s unhealthy and I’ve been trying to fix it but there was a deadline for my reports that night. 

I do notice the looks. It’s selfish but I love how jealous you can get. I need to stop feeding them opportunities. It’s just pissing you off so I can feel your arm around my waist or have you be overly sweet so everyone in a mile radius knows I’m yours. 

Gav, you’ve been my best friend for so long. I don’t know how the hell I would survive without you at this point. I could never replace you. I’m pretty sure I don’t even know how to make my coffee anymore. You’re a constant I need in my life. I don’t think there is a single person on the planet that can deal with our specialized brand of chaos other than each other. 

These two weeks at Tina’s have been hell on earth without you. I missed you so goddamn much. I grabbed your stupid jacket in the rush that night and have been sleeping with it the whole time because it smells like you and I needed you so badly. Last night was the first time I slept more than an hour at a time. I’ve been a complete mess. I probably came here last night because I was tired of pretending I haven’t been.”

He looks at his cup from the floor, it’s probably gone cold, “I’m a disaster too.”

She smiles, “I know, I saw the kitchen.”

Looking at her is too much, “Does this mean, you’re going to come back?”

He feels her take his hand, “Well all my shit’s here anyway. Clothes, books, Gizmo, you.” Her fingers squeeze his, “We’re going to have to work back up to where we were though.”

“Yeah.”

“But I missed you too. We’re going to be okay. I’ll call Tina to bring my bag back around.”

He chuckles, ‘You think she’s going to bring it to you?”

“Well now that I’m back in this bed, I’m not leaving it for a solid 12 hours.” She places her mug on the bedside table, “So I’m going to be too tired to go get it anyway.”

“What do you mean-” He’s cut off by her grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him for a kiss. 

She whispers sweetly, “We’re going to start with me reclaiming what’s mine. Two weeks is way too fucking long to remind you who you belong to.” 

Fuck, he missed this. Not exactly what he was planning but he wasn't going to say he doesn't like her crawling back into his lap. Who is he to deny the process? 


End file.
